my first daylog...i was gunna try not to do to many of these but o well. So yesterday a few ppl came over for my bday party which was really fun i got some awesome cds and stuff. And today my dad and I are going to the timberwolves game against the Kings. Fun stuff. But it's really sad my sister is moving to chicago tomorrow, I'm like never gonna see her again. Well i will but not like I do now. Sometimes I feel like I've missed all the opportunity for those "sister bonding" moments cuz Katiue was already nine years old when I was born. Then again its kewl to have a sister who can drive you places and get you into R rated movies and things like that. Anyways...I've gotten good responses to my "love" poem which is fricken awesome becuz I'm always nervous sharing stuff like that cuz that's like my raw emotion cuz usually when I write stuff like that I'm really sad or depressed or furious so I usually can't see what I'm writing thru my tears...really. Well not sure what else to write here so I'll leave you with this.

Always yours,
Madelyn

Too young

Too young, too little, too immature, too inexperienced.

I think thats what a lot of people think when they see me or talk to me. I say that sucks. All my life i've been too little- to stay up late, to watch certain movies, to know what's going on in my family, in my life. Now i'm not saying i want to have huge responsibilities or carry all the weight on my shoulders. but when your aunt's dying and your too young to know what's going on or to go visit because it might be too hard for a little girl to see someone like that it hurts. maybe that's what i get for being the baby of the family but i hate it, I mean i'll admit that yes it would have been hard for me to grasp some of the stuff my parents kept from me but now i feel like they kept me from my life, i had no idea what was happening to Poppy, why he couldn't remember my name and why i always had to go to a nursing home to visit him. And then one day he disappears, the nursing home visits stop and everyone's sad and sorry. Well i wasnt because i didnt know what was going on, i never knew him, i never knew him. Well now it happens again, i'm too young to go visit my own sister by myself when she moves to chicago. I'm only the freshman, way too immature for anyone who's older than me. I've gotta say if you think that you're protecting me from things by keeping me from them your wrong, your protecting me from things i need to experience...to be able to live my life.

Music

*....gimme that strange relationship, never thought pleasure would be like this...something so right but it feels so terribly wrong....*

Wow its amazing how much i can relate to that song. If i could have one talent that I dont now (well two actually) they would definitely be song writing and singing. I think that's why I love music so much, or at least part of the reason. I can't write amazing lyrics like Train or express my feelings in a song like Sarah McLachlan or sing like Alicia Keys. I've tried writing poems; like the previous entry but as you and I can see that doesnt work to well either. But i dont like just writing what happened when I'm depressed or furious or lost, a lot of times I can't I need to find a way to express my emotions in another way but for now poems and others' songs will have to do.

*....there will never come a day u will never hear me say that i want or need to be without you I wanna give my all...baby just hold me, simply control me because your arms, they keep away the lonelies, when i look into your eyes then i realize all i need is you in my life...cuz i never felt this way about lovin, no, never felt so good baby....*

Love

Yea so lately (like as of yesterday) I'm into these like adjective-random word type poem things so here's one for u guys.

Love
Bittersweet, fury
Unable, unwilling
Lost, distant
Weakness, tears
Hate, Joy
Love
Pouring over the sides, overflowing
Passion, closeness
Safety, together
Unity, heartfelt
Worth wishing for
Love
Romance, roses
Candles, dances
Lips, kisses
hugs, dark chocolate
thorns, broken hearts
Love
To fight for, To die for
Existence,
Life.

i have a blog!

Hey everybody I have a blog now!! so all you who are just dying to know all my thoughts here they are. Yes this is my life, glorious madness included.