helpless...

ever been in a good mood for absolutely no reason? like you're just floating above all the shit and reality that you should be down swimming in? Well that's how I feel today, (no, no drugs are involved if you were wondering.) like it's just such a good day for absolutely no reason and even though I should be like freaking out and spending all my time with homework it jsut doesnt matter right now. It's an amazing feeling, being happy for no reason. idk anyways. . .I gotta figure out some creative way to ask someone to sadies. any ideas? Hmmm wat else to say. . .idk my schedule's been pretty full with gymnastics lately so I haven't gotten a chance to hang with like anyone in a while. This weekend hopefully, cept I have that dumb PLAN test on saturday morning at 745! iiiicccckkk!

*EDIT*

wow so yea the air was let out of that balloon fast. just got a call from my aunt saying that my uncle hasta stay at the hospital and chemo starts TODAY for him instead of next week. He has hairy cell leukemia (?) And he's had it for a long time but it been getting worse lately cuz the medicine he was taking no longer does anything, like his system has become immune to it which we knew would happen sometime but you just never really think about what happens after. Idk my dad feels like he always has to be there and take care of him and protect him and everything because my dad's the oldest and his dad died when he was 19. idk it's just really hard cuz my grandma's already lost one child and that's plenty hard enough. And then I like feel like I should be sad and everything and I am but then when i'm happy and like running around I think of Gary and I feel like I shouldn't be having this much fun when he's suffering. But you like can't do anything for him which makes everyone feel really helpless. And sometimes I worry about my dad and grandma more than I worry about gary because they worry about him so much and feel so helpless and just have to stand by and watch their brother/son suffer. And they've already lost a father/husband and a sister/daughter. I can't imagine it. well idk I have no more to say and this is making me more sad so I'm gonna stop.

Madelyn